Dear Mucus in the Back of my Throat,
You stink. No really, you do. Or, I assume you stink because you sure do taste bad. I am sick of choking on you, swallowing you, gagging on you. Stop secreting and just leave me alone, please.
Dear Medicine Cabinet,
You make me happy.
Dear Lumpy Tonsils,
You are a haggard lot. All swollen, red, puffy, and disgusting-like. You definitely have seen better days. Remember those? Yeah, me too. They seem so long ago... I miss those days. Do you think we could go back to them?
Dear Flexible Spending Account,
I've never used you much; never really had the need. Well, what with co-pays, prescription drugs, and over-the-counter medications, I feel that I have gotten to know you better recently. And you know what? I like you. I like the fact that I am going to get reimbursed for my pain and anguish. Just don't let me forget to turn in my receipts come September.
I'm tired and would really just like to sleep. Is that too much to ask for?
Dear Insurance Card,
I feel empowered when I see you. I feel so adult and grown up. We should have a BBQ (or, more like and smoothie-Q, as that's about all I can eat these days) to celebrate my newfound sense of maturity.
Just go away.
Please? I'm dying here.