Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Lysol Guy

It is an established fact that I am a nice person. Yep, a very nice person. It's kind of a requirement for my job. I have to be nice to the people on the phone. I have to be nice when I tell clueless students where the computer lab is. I have to be nice in explaining how to use the scan function of the copy machine. I have to be nice while pointing out the ladies' room. And I have to be nice to the people who walk into my office seeking answers and campus maps.

There's this guy that has come into my office a couple of times looking for directions. I am nice to him like I am to all (see above), but he stinks. Smells. Bad. Like stale cigarettes and old cheese. You know the kind. Anyway, every time he comes in I have to fumigate my office with Lysol air freshener afterwards to get rid of his stench. A nice guy, just really smelly.

Today he came in, and just would not leave me alone. Our conversation went something like this:
LG: How are you doing today?
ME: Good. What can I help you with?
LG: Nothing, I just wanted to say hi. You look very pretty today.
ME, trying not to gag and typing faster: Thanks.
LG, noticing the business cards on my desk: Do you have a card?
ME: No, I'm not important enough to have my own card.
LG: Are you a student here?
ME: No. I just work here.
LG: How old are you?
ME: 26. You?
LG: 21.
ME: That's nice.
LG, trying to act nonchalant, but not succeeding: So, are you married? Dating someone?
ME, for once being truthful in my answer and silently thanking the gods: Dating. I've got a boyfriend.
LG: Oh, yeah? That's good. My girl will probably kill me when I get home. I was supposed to be home an hour ago.
ME, wondering why, then, was he still talking to me: How long have you and your girlfriend been dating?
LG: About a year, but it's been rough. How long have you and your boyfriend been dating?
ME, fudging a bit, but not really: 3 months. It's going really well.
LG: Oh. Good. Well, I better be going. See ya.

As soon as he was gone, I pulled out the LYSOL...and the CLOROX wipes. And then I PURELL-ed my hands. Yuck!


Dan said...

do you think you could use "Paint" to draw a picture of lysol guy so we have a better idea of what he looks like in case we run into him so we can beat the creep up?

NICK said...

too funny